Saturday, August 7, 2010
08/07/2010 In England, Pakistan, Day 2

Keep Simon company by emailing him at andy.bull@guardian.co.uk. You can also follow proceedingson the sly with our desktop scoreboard

WICKET! Pietersen c&b Ajmal (63rd over: England 206-4) If you want something done properly, do it yourself. Pietersen offers up another catch and this time the bowler takes it himself. Morgan is in, and immediately tries to play a paddle sweep to leg which he gets horribly wrong. He hits the ball with the toe end of the bat. Ajmal then fires down a quicker ball, pushing Morgan back blocking in his crease.

For the 62nd: England 204-3 (Pietersen 80 Collingwood 14) Amin..... zzzzzzzzz.

61st over: England 202-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 13) The 200 comes up after Ajmal spins a ball past batsman, stumps and 'keeper. It runs away for four byes.

60th over: England 196-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 11) Seems Amin is going to stay in the attack, which is pretty disappointing. Pietersen pats away the few balls in the over that he has to play.

60th over: England 196-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 11) Butt just carries on where he left off then, bringing Ajmal back on at the other end. He's still bowling from around the wicket. Umar Gul, it seems, is off the field injured. He has tweaked a hamstring. Pakistan's match, it seems, is only going to get worse.

59th over: England 196-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 11) Amin resumes his unfinished over, and Collingwood crashes his first ball back for four through extra cover.

Thanks for the notice Sky, play is about to start again. Right now.

At 3:45 pm seems to cover separation and groundstaff running rope to remove excess water from the field.

The covers are still on, and Sky have now resorted to showing us highlights of some obscure Test on this ground between England and Australia from 2005.

The best thing about Miandad's match at the Oval in '87 may just have been Botham's knock in the second innings. Pakistan had scored 708 in the first innings (Miandad 260, Malik 102, Imran 118), and then bowled England out for 232 (Qadir 7-96). By the close of the fourth day England were 95-3 in the follow-on and still 380 runs behind. Botham went out and blocked the hell out of it for five hours, curbing every single one of his attacking instincts, to make 51 from 209 balls. One of the great playing against type innings in cricket, along with Boycott's 146 in the 1965 Gillette Cup Final.

"An update 'from the move along now, nothing to see here' department" comes courtesy of Mark Francombe, "apparently Pietersen heard the umpire call dead ball before the ball was bowled and was simply trying to expedite things by tapping the ball to fielder." Really? Is that official? Beacuse if it is, it's one of the most preposterous explanations I've heard.

I know for a fact that much that TMS can tell us the weather at Edgbaston is going to get biblical. And not in a good way.

Sky Sports runs a short documentary film about the 1987 British series V Pakistan When Javed Miandad scored 260 in the fifth Test at the Oval. More than enough, I feel a link to this video here .

TMS tells me that the super-soppers have come out and are now mopping up the water on the outfield, so play should resume soon enough.

Rain stops play

During the 59th: England 191-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 6) Collingwood Abbreviations 4 last point. Sorry Economics descriptions, I 'm eating, and I type. He was lashing rain down now, but the judges decided to shoot on the field. Wow. This rain is brutal. Out come the cover.

58th over: England 187-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 2) Ajmal is bowling quite beautifully now. He's been a lot more threatening since he switched to bowling around the wicket. He hurries Pietersen with a quicker ball, up to almost 70mph, and then betas him all ends up with a slower delivery (down at 50mph) that loops up and then slips through the gate, sliding off the pads just past the stumps and running away for four leg byes.

57th over: England 183-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 2) Sorry, I just missed an over there while I popped downstairs to get some lunch. Seems we missed another reprieve for Pietersen, who sliced a low edge past Haider and away for four off Ajmal. Butt stciks with Amin, and Collingwood warily plays out all six balls, patting them this way and that.

WICKET! Trott 55 c sub (Hameed) b Amin (England 177-3) Well I'll be damned. Pakistan have held onto one. They had to bring on a sub fielder to do it. Umar Amin came into the attack, and Trott cut him hard to gully, where Hameed took a good catch, low down by the grass.

53rd over: England 177-2 (Pietersen 72 Trott 54) Seems Observer Sports Monthly, which once upon a time was a brilliant magazine, has been to this dropped catches territory before, back in 2007. Their no1 was this one, from Mike Gatting: "The most comical moment of England's 3-0 series defeat to India in 1993 came in the second Test in Madras. After missing much of the second day's play with a stomach bug, Mike Gatting came on to field. An Ian Salisbury delivery lobbed up off Kiran More's glove towards him and umpire RS Rathore raised his finger. Only to take it down when the ball slipped from Gatting's grasp. 'I'd just climbed off my death bed and God knows why I was at short leg,' he told OSM. 'I still don't know how I dropped it. People laugh when I tell them the sun was in my eyes.' You can tell Gatting was not himself: he told us John Emburey was bowling."

52nd over: England 175-2 (Pietersen 72 Trott 54) Kojak is water off a duck's back to Selve, whon reveals that he has "also been called 'that bloke from StarTrek' by a Big Issue seller at Temple station, and more worryingly, Hamed Karzai."

Fifty-first over: England 174-2 (Pietersen 71 Trott 54) Pietersen chops four runs away square, prompting Ajmal to switch to bowling over the wicket. "I'd suggest going through KP's history of dropped catches," says Staynton Brown, "They're nearly all absolutely terrible." Yes, there was one absolute shocker when at Lord's in 2005 wasn't there? When he shelled five catches on his debut.

50th over: England 169-2 (Pietersen 67 Trott 54) On the subject of bad drops, this is a great spot from Thomas Lawrence. Just two runs in this over from Gul, puched past point by Trott.

49th over: England 167-2 (Pietersen 67 Trott 52)There is a doosra Ajmal ', landing Trott in all sorts of trouble. It sa 'nice ball. "Can you release Alexander Selvey know that I loved him in Kojak," says McGuigan, "Who loves you, baby?" "

48th over: England 165-2 (Pietersen 66 Trott 51) Pietersen has plundered 32 from the 21 balls Ajmal has bowled at him in this innings so far. "If any OBOer's have Sky boxes, they might want to freeze-frame a selection of Saeed Ajmal's deliveries" reckons Gary Naylor, "some are very interesting." Innuendo eh? He was reported for chucking by the Australians, who seem to have an instinctive dislike of the doosra, and was then cleared by the ICC in May 2009. He bowls within the allowed 15-degree angle, and that has been independently verified. Anyway, Gul is bowling now, and for the moment it is Trott's turn to take a little of the limelight. He has just punched a lovely straight drive down the ground for four to raise his fifty.

47th over: England 160-2 (Pietersen 65 Trott 47) "Baseball cap indeed" scoffs Selve, "That, i'll have you know, is a hat from the Royal Palm golf and country club, Lahore." Pietersen has now run off the field to go the toilet. I was distinctly unimpressed by that Pietersen dismissal off the dead ball. Pakistan would have been well within their rights to have a good long grumble about it. He had no business playing at the ball. Ah well. He has gone on to 60 now, playing a sweet last cut away for four past point. Next ball he is skipping down the pitch and crashing a drive through long-off for four. Seems he doesn't have all that much respect for Ajmal's off-spin.

For the forty-sixth: England 147-2 (Pietersen 53 Trott 46) Umar Gul comes into the attack, so it's a double change. Here's Robin Hazlehurst: "Someone asked yesterday when it is ok to feel sorry for Pakistan. How about when they learn to catch. Inexperienced batsmen struggling in difficult conditions against top bowlers could elicit sympathy, but dropping so many dollies deserves nothing but contempt. Weren't Bangladesh like this too, so that several times a match could have been a contest but dropped catches meant it wasn't. Surely even mediocre teams should be able to fix that sort of thing - even England managed to improve their fielding and with it their results." Yeah. They should get themselves a special rubber ramp and start testing the sweatiness of the players' palms. Both Goldenhair Gower and Sir Iron Bottom have nominated the drop by Umar Amin at gully off Pietersen this morning as the worst they have ever seen in cricket. Ever. Any one got another contender?

For the forty-sixth: England 146-2 (Pietersen 52 Trott 45) \\ "Working with McGuigan, Mr. 'is simply magnificent," Ross agrees Moreover, "Just one question: Robin Smith is in England or McGuigan completely lost the plot?" "You really need to ask? Do I really need to answer? The man claims that his first name 'Anus' for the sake of God '. All the animals came to night the weekend on the OBO. Saeed Ajmal is into the attack from the City End now, he has started with a maiden.

45th over: England 146-2 (Pietersen 52 Trott 45) Thin picking in the inbox. So far it's a choice between Sara Torvalds, who is providing weather updates from southern Finland ("it has cleared" apparently) and, delightfully, a new resident nutter calling himself Keekus. His last contribution was this: "Trott gets an inside edge to fine leg, 100 partnership is up between these two .. Very convincing!" No. Me neither. Brilliantly, the camera then cuts to a close-up of the press box, picking out Selve himself, resplendent in a yellow baseball cap and a black Ramones t-shirt. He and the man sat alongside him, the immaculately tailored Stephen Brenkley from the Indy, make quite the sartorial odd couple.

44th over: England 144-2 (Pietersen 51 Trott 44) Trott threads a drive away through the on-side, past a truly inept dive from the fielder at mid-wicket. Four more to him, and when Trott edges a single down the leg side from the next ball it means these two have now put on 100 together.

43rd over: England 138-2 (Pietersen 51 Trott 40) The lead is 60 now, in the circumstances that's already enough to win the match. From now on it's England against the weather. They may just be the best shot Pietersen has played yet; an immaculate clip through mid-wicket for four, whipping the ball away from off-stump in his trademark style. He has been dropped three times now - I think, I've almost lost count - caught off a dubious dead ball, sliced another catch through the vacant slips, and survived two perilously close LBW appeals.

42nd over: England 131-2 (Pietersen 46 Trott 39) So, Amir finishes off his over, delivering the two left-over balls, one of which shot away for four off the outside edge, and the Asif resumes at the other end. Mr A McGuigan has been busy at his easel again, and has kindly provided us with his take own idiosyncratic take on the Mohammad Yousuf selection farrago. I'm afraid I had to crop off the feet to fit it in. Trott plays and misses at a vicious away-swinger, but connects with the next and steers it away past point for two.

Here come the players, somewhat gallingly from my point of view we still have 86 overs left in the day. I could be here a long time yet.

Hi everyone, Andy here. The good news is that play is going to start in the next ten minutes or so. The bad news is that Pakistan have descended to such diabolically awful levels of play that, as a contest, this game is over. They've dropped, what, seven catches in this match now? "It hurts to watch" says Shane Warne. It is hard to disagree.

12.32pm: I'll be signing off now. Andy Bull will be popping in with updates the moment anything happens, or threatens to happen.

12.27pm:Nasser Hussain vapor on the performance of Pakistan '. "Any decision on all levels, was wrong," he says. "This is nonsense." And with that, David Gower states that "we 're assuming that' Lunch".

12.23pm: Gary Naylor has helpfully sent me the wording to Law 23: "'(vi) the striker is distracted by any noise or movement or in any other way while he is preparing to receive or receiving a delivery. This shall apply whether the source of the distraction is within the game or outside it.' Seems the distraction alone is sufficient to trigger the dead ball and that such distraction is a matter for the batsman rather than the umpire. Helluva law." Obviously, it also doesn't say the batsman is required to leave the ball.

12.16pm: Pietersen, presumably, is using this interval to furiously rub a rabbit's foot, or whatever he's been doing to generate his good luck. Consensus over the dead ball delivery is that he was technically out but it wouldn't have been very nice to enforce it. But nobody can explain why Pietersen thought it might be a good idea to loop the ball gently to mid off rather than leaving it to float through to the keeper. They'll be debating it for a while, with the covers emphatically on and the umbrellas emphatically up.

40.4 overs: England 125-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 42) It's raining again, and they're off.

40th over: England 125-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 42) Pietersen is still living dangerously, and Pakistan gamely discovering new ways to fail to get him out. This time the ball loops off his pad and falls just short of the fielder. They thought he'd got an edge, but he hadn't and it was plumb lbw. No one thinks of appealing for it, or referring the decision. "For dignity's sake Pietersen should walk next time he's dropped," suggests Ben Timpson. "There must be a law about this somewhere."

39th over: England 124-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 41) Nobody knows if you can claim a dead ball, hit the ball anyway, get caught and get away with it. The entire over is spent debating the issue, with no resolution. "Perhaps the truly disturbing reason that Botham and Warne appeared as sartorial mirrors of each other was that it was dress your best friend day," suggests Ian Copestake.

38th over: England 120-2 (Trott 33, Pietersen 41) An all-action over. Pietersen gets the day's first boundary, eased between point and cover. The next ball, Pakistan waste an appeal on a ball which hit Pietersen's pad well outside the line and was going nowhere near the stumps anyway. Then Pakistan spend a while talking about a ball change, before Pietersen backs away from the ball but still decides to hit it, and loops it up to mid-off, who does catch it this time. A dead ball is given. "I'm still shattered Nas about that drop," warbles Warne. "I'm gone."

37th over: England 115-2 (Trott 33, Pietersen 36) Another appeal against Pietersen, this time the TAC is a brief and unsuccessful - the ball this time found the edge, on its way to court, but then looped into the hands of Amin at the second slip and, curiously enough, again. "What do Pakistan," Warne fumes. "That ... that 'B-12 cricket."

36th over: England 114-2 (Trott 32, Pietersen 36) Mohammad Asif charges in, Kevin Pietersen charges out ... and then leaves the ball. Many times. The fifth ball is the exception, an absolute snorter, moving away from the batsman at the last moment and just missing the edge though a nick of bat on pad got the fielders excited. "I'm quick to criticise umpires and players going off for "bad light", so I'd like to congratulate them for getting it on in very marginal conditions," applauds Gary Naylor.

35th over: England 114-2 (Trott 32, Pietersen 36) Mohammad Amir completes the over he started last night, without great excitement but with some evidence of movement. "The series would be a lot closer if Pakistan would just catch the ball," expert-analyses Nasser Hussain. "So far they've been ordinary and poor," laments Shane Warne. "They need to catch." Right lads, you got that? Best start catching the ball sometimes, eh?

11.31am: Players are emerging. Cricket coming right up. "Am following the Test by mobile on the Hanko peninsula, Finland, but a big thunderstorm is heading this way," writes Sara Torvalds. "Hope the weather clears in both countries." Well, looks like we're on our way...

11.19am: The rollers have been on for a while, so action is imminent unless the rain starts again. We're being treated to highlights from yesterday. While on the subject of the kind-of-matching pink ties in Sky's studio, I also noticed that Ian Botham and Shane Warne were in identical suits earlier. Is it "dress as your best friend" day?

11.06am: Potential action alert! The covers are coming off, slowly. Nasser Hussain is sounding optimistic.

11:03 am: "Any explanation for the pink ties in the Sky studio?" asks Jenny Hemming. For non-Sky viewers among us, David Gower has a bright pink shiny tie and Michael Atherton's next to him is slightly more fuchsia in shade. "Apart from anything else," huffs Jenny, "they clash." David Lloyd's is navy.

10:54 am: If you're stuck for something to do, you might want to watch yesterday's highlights. They're right here. (If you can't do links, they're here: http://bit.ly/83sI9)

10:49 am: David Gower is "anticipating play at some point today, hopefully lots of it". Covers are on and umbrellas are up, though not everywhere.

10.45am: Hello! I've just breezed into the office. It's still looking pretty grey in Birmingham, but Sky are currently showing me an advert rather than giving me a weather forecast. Is anyone actually there?

Morning. Simon will be here from about 10.45, or whenever he decides to breeze into the office.

It's looking pretty grey at Edgbaston. The covers are currently on, Nasser Hussain's ridiculously oversized umbrella is up, so we could be in for a delayed start.

At the same time, there 's report s Mike Selvey' on yesterday's proceedings.

And if you want to do it the modern way, here are the video highlights too.

Simon Burnton
Andy Bull

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