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Nell Dunn 's partner had wanted a peaceful death at home, but it didn' t turn out that way. Now a patron of Dignity in Dying, the playwright and novelist, talks about the 'number of errors' at the end of his life

It is common things that Nell Dunn misses. ". There is a table and chairs in the garden where we would often eat our breakfast and lunch, but it doesn 't seem any point in my food out there now," they no longer watch certain TV programs: "Funny little things that we both had to laugh about \." She misses is quiet, to think of - "What a luxury that" - in the same room as someone she loves.

Nell Dunn 's partner Dan Oestreicher, died two years ago. He was 77th He wanted to die at home, he wanted a dignified death. He had had lung cancer and the hospital sent him home a year ago, he thought, then die, but he had lived for 18 months. They were a good 18 months. He and Dunn had been together 35 years, and although she had spent every night together separately (they took an empty house to write, he liked "his own place") lived. Now he crossed the street in her bedroom in her bed, with the "terrible" one sent by the hospital as a receptacle for books and clothes. She stopped writing in order to care for him.

They talked, spent afternoons lying next to each other, they laughed a lot. Visiting friends and family. There are things that Dunn wished she had done differently, they did better. She wished she hadn 't said no to a chair ("It will ruin the carpet") that they hadn' t too busy, that was the time to wash his feet, that they are more about would have said how lucky he had brought her great love. But the day of his death is another matter. Dunn, who is 75, is a quiet, soft-spoken women. Your letter, in her groundbreaking novel Up the Junction, we say, or do you play - or steam Cancer Tales - always been to capture the voices of other people. But when she talks about this, it is heated and violent. "\" It shouldn 't happened, "\" have, she says, quoting from one of the doctors on "the series of error" that his death visited, then repeats it: "It shouldn 't happen. It shouldn' t have happened. "

Four district nurses, a doctor - - In his last 24 hours, but none of them seemed trained to deal with a home death Oestreicher was attended by five national health system. When Nell woke in the early morning hours, she realized Dan was dying. His lungs were bubbling, he was in a panic - he felt he drowned - and in pain. You couldn 't-ring for an ambulance, because they take him to the hospital, and he didn' t want you know that had four telephone numbers, including one for a hospice, but as she handed her rang said, was re-ring after 8.30am, when she called back it went straight to voicemail. Your doctor 's operation has been concluded. There was no morphine. A district nurse came chattering into their cell phones inches from Dan 's ear, a doctor, another nurse. Nobody knew where to find an open pharmacy. "I know it was a Sunday, but people die on a Sunday \ for God's sake \." There was confusion by the physician who attended indiscretion: ". I 'M is also paid for" Finally, in late morning, all dispersed and Nell and Dan were alone. She lay beside him on her bed. He came in and out of consciousness and 13.30 clock, Primrose her dog beside him, he died.

The nurse came with the morphine at 4pm. She had been gone for five hours. Was she embarrassed? "I don 't know. I didn' t let them in."

Dunn is intensely private and it's testament to the strength of her feelings that she has used her own experience in the writing of her latest, and last play, Home Death, a series of interlinking voices on the subject of dying at home. In Up the Junction (1963) and Poor Cow (1967), Dunn broke new ground by giving a voice to working-class women, providing an unsentimental and unflinching insight into their lives. In Steaming (1981), her award-winning drama, which was made into a film starring Vanessa Redgrave, Sarah Miles and Diana Dors, her characters talked honestly and openly about men, life and sex. Home Death, which follows seven stories, is equally unflinching. There are good deaths in the play, and bad deaths, people who know what to ask for, and others, such as Nell, who are flailing.

One of the themes in the play follows the last days of the writer and jazz musician George Melly, who died at home of lung cancer and vascular dementia in July 2007. His wife, Diana, is a friend of Dunn 's - they know each other well known since the 60s and go to their dogs on a regular basis. As Dunn is a champion of the dignity Melly in Dying, the campaign to loosen the end of life decisions (including the possibility of euthanasia for mentally competent terminally ill). It was partly luck, Diana said to me, that allows Melly, dying quietly and without pain. They were regularly between Admiral and Marie Curie nurses who are specially trained to visit, and sat with him at the end of the night. "I am very bossy and competent," says Diana, who she knew enough to ask her GP for this service, in contrast to Dunn, who didn 't. meant to check the most recent funding palliative care, the enormous differences in the way health authorities (varies by spending ? 186 a person to ? 6,000) with home deaths has been called for a reform in this area. Diana Melly is firmly behind this, but also believes that we don 't enough to look forward to their death or the death of our loved ones. "It is people think, just as the government about what they want to think. We plan for births and marriages. We don 't plan enough for our old age and death."

In her case, she is not only to ensure there were enough nurses and drugs, and that the bed was in place, they spoke with Melly on what he wanted. One of her favorite memories is an afternoon in the garden, very near the end, "Tom and George and his son there, sitting side by side, to find the right King Lear speech for his funeral." They also invited the House Melly 's many fans - she had an open marriage - including one for which they Greckel (after a screeching Caribbean bird) known hated because they knew that he would like. "And indeed it was good. When someone dies, a lot of crap goes out the window."

She says George wasn't scared, and that made things easier. "He knew if it was necessary, I would put a pillow over his face." They joked a lot. "And in a way his ego shrank so much when he was ill, he was easier to get on with." The nurses had warned her he might be agitated at the end, and that he might cough up a lot of blood – not being told what might happen was one of the things that panicked Dunn, although, in the end, neither of these things happened. It was in the middle of the night. The nurse called her and Diana sat and held his hand and he just stopped breathing. "I don't think I ever thought it would be bad. Imagine not being there. That would be terrible. I was there at the birth of my first grandchild. And this felt the same. It is a privilege to be with someone who is dying."

Diana visited George 's body at the funeral home and prepared to be washed and combed her hair. Nell spent the whole day after Dan 's death, lay beside his body, surrounded by his children and theirs. "In the end, my kids in the garden, but otherwise we were comfortable with him. It was wonderful to be with him. It felt absolutely right. It didn 't be alarming in any way." Your running hands through her hair - she does cupping of the neck. "It seems like yesterday. I'm still in shock. It is quite difficult for me to go to the movies or the theater. It is as if I have to be vigilant all the time." It hasn 't easier? "I don 't think it will be easier. I don' t know. So far it hasn 't"

Diana Melly says: ... "You can prepare for death, but the whole thing is not about someone, one is completely unprepared, I was with George for 45 years, since I was 23, I mean, it 's Extraordinary, is not around. It continues to be terrible. "

Both find solace in friendship. "You need people you love and you feel better by some people you must find love \," says Dunn. Home Death is absolutely their last game - "... I haven 't have the brain is not enough it seems there is no great drama on the set" She loves her children, her grandchildren, and she is " addicted "Richmond Park, where she goes her surviving dog, Iris.

Home Death is at the Finborough Theatre, London SW10 (0844 847 1652). Marie Curie Nurses provide free care for people with terminal cancer and other diseases in their own homes. Contact your doctor or community nurse.