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03:33: Swansea sound like Arsenal Lite. Much dominance, possession and chances but nothing to show for it yet.

GOAL! Everton 0-1 QPR (Smith, 31 min): Tommy Smith curling the ball past Tim Howard from the edge of the area and QPR have their first goal in the Premier League since 1996! Who saw it coming?

15.30: This may be an Oldie but is Goldfinger the greatest Bond Theme of all time?" asks Billy Murphy. I beg to differ.

GOAL! Brighton 1-0 Blackpool (Mackail-Smith, 29 min): A header from Mackail-Smith gives the hosts the lead. Brighton in the Premier League? You couldn 't, could it also?

GOAL! Reading 0-1 Barnsley (Foster, 28 min): "Well done Barnsley!" Says Sky One comment, because 's not at all condescending.

GOAL! Aston Villa 2-0 Blackburn (Heskey, 25 min): You know you're in trouble when dep't. Apparently a fantastic goal. This time Agbonlahor is the provider, holding off Salgado, before rolling it across to Heskey, who beats Robinson in clincal fashion. I know!

03:24: A commercial break on Soccer Saturday. Goldfinger 's almost though. "Malcolm was the third of five children (Francis, Reese, Malcolm, Dewey, Jamie) and many of his problems stemmed not overlooked middle child," says Niall Mullen. "Of greater importance is the blatant false advertising for the film" The Never Ending Story ". Runtime 102 minutes." But Jamie wasn 't to the beginning of the series.

GOAL! Nottingham Forest 0-2 Leicester (Fernandes, 21 min): Schteve Oh! Forest 's defense is a hot shame.

15:22: Fantasy Football 's Leighton Baines hits the underside of the bar with a kick! QPR are suspended.

GOAL! Southampton 1-0 Millwall (Guly do Prado, 18 min): This much Southampton aren 't so bad, right? It 's days as the Marian Parhar never finished.

GOAL! Nottingham Forest 0-1 Leicester (Nugent, 18 min): David Nugent scored against the team managed by the genius who gave him his England bow. It 's gratitude for you.

GOAL! Hull 0-1 Crystal Palace (Jermaine Easter, 15 min):At Deepdale, Phil Brown chuckles.

03:16: "Don 't want to point out the obvious, but Malcolm was the main figure, while Reese was' \ in the middle 'he wasn' t the main character so she called 'Reese in the middle' would not 't be appropriate if it was to Reese \, "says Etienne Michelet. Yes, but then what 's so important about him in the middle? At Villa Park, David Dunn has aimed a sly kick at Luke Young, who was probably casting slanders about his acting skills.

03:15: "Nice and smooth football," says Charlie Nicholas, who's watching Swansea v Wigan. No goals though. No goals.

03:13: "Every Saturday there is the same," said Richard Woods, a melancholy. "I settle down to listen to the game (Macclesfleld vs. the Mighty gas, since you ask) on the club side, while following the bigger clubs to clock watch and every Saturday the comment" \ isn 't available ", probably because the world hordes of other football famm, the \ s live commentary can 't have to get the game regulalrly to her team \ subscribe" and got there first. Through tenacious perseverance, I usuallly get some play, but it 's really annoying going through this lot to go every week. Am I the only one, or are there others out there suffering? And if you read Bristol Rovers FC, sort it out! "

GOAL! Aston Villa 1-0 Blackburn (Agbonlahor, 12 min):Steve Kean pours himself a stiff drink as Agbonlahor holding off several challenges Blackburn weak cuts in the left and scores his first goal since April. Blackburn so going down.

03.09: Goldfinger 's on ITV in 20 minutes! Will he win? Find out soon.

15:08: At Goodison Park, Everton feel they should have a penalty after Connolly Rodwell bumped into the area. No dice.

GOAL! Derby 1-0 Doncaster (Zinedine Kilbane, 6 min): Doncaster 's terrible start to the season continued as Kilbane heads in a corner. "Maybe 'Malcolm, along with the other members of his family, gets in the middle of several unfortunate but predictable Scenarios" was considered a bit too long \, "says Eamonn Maloney.

GOAL! Burnley 1-0 Cardiff (Austin, 2 min): To give Charlie Austin bullets a header in the lead and Burnley Cardiff 's early momentum has rather disappeared.

15.02: To my left, Barry Glendenning is leaning back, plonked both feet on the desk. It 's that kind of day here. At the Liberty Stadium, Swansea have started very well, but Graham has a very presentable chance they missed to bring forward, chasing after a cross from Routledge.

15:01:

3pm:

Bob Mortimer 's interview on Soccer Saturday. Nah. "Toon went and won, Arsenal are having their implosion early this year (cunning plan so they can be safe in knowledge it won't happen as a title challenge is mounting perhaps?) and now the rest of the games...are less interesting, oh dear, might switch over to goldfinger at half past," says Oliver Lewis. Goldfinger, you say...

Sun Liverpool are going to win at Arsenal for the first time since 2000. Do you remember who's in goal?

Malcolm in the Middle entertained here. "In a nutshell," said Tom Jenkins, continue straight on. Malcolm in the Middle. He 's not the youngest kid. He 's not the oldest child. He 's in the middle. "Yes, but that goes for Reese as well.

Blackburn (4-4-2):

Kenny; Orr, Hall, Gabbidon, Connolly; Buzsaky, Derry, Faurlin, Smith; Taarabt; Agyemang. Subs: Murphy, Bothroyd, Gorkss, Perone, Moen, Ephraim, Andrade.

Swansea v Wigan

Swansea (4-2-3-1): Vorm; Rangel, Caulker, Williams, Taylor; Agustien, Britton; Routledge, Dyer, Sinclair; Graham. Subs: Moreira, Tate, Dobbie, Lita, Moore, Allen, Gower.

Wigan (4-5-1): Al Habsi, Boyce, Caldwell, Alcaraz, Figueroa, Diame, Watson, Gomez, McCarthy, Moses, Di Santo. Subs:

At Villa Park, it's

We'll also be keeping an eye on the Championship. At the City Ground, Steve McClaren and Sven-Goran Eriksson can debate who's more unpopular in this country while Nottingham Forest and Leicester, who have both had underwhelming starts, take each other on, while Southampton and Brighton are both looking to maintain their 100% starts. It's Millwall and Blackpool for them respectively.

Why It could just as easily have been Reese in the Middle. Maybe it should have been called Malcolm's Musings. There, that's the burning issues of the day all covered in full for you.

My headphones have a microphone in them today as well, which means that I look a bit like PB. Not that it 's nothing wrong with looking like the perma-tanned Mourinho tribute act.